Week 2 Power Rankings

All the other Power Rankings logos were for Fantasy Football

Effin Bananas is still the top dog and Gay High School Juniors are still at the bottom.  High scorer on the week was Mark Long and Leroy's Shlong with an unheard of 275 points.  Also breaking the 200 point barrier was Pup 'N Suds (240) and Swamp Donkeys (225).  Biggest riser on the week was the vastly underrated Mark Long's left Pec (10 spots) while the biggest faller was Boots to Assess (7 spots) barely edging out Dunbar is always Watching (6 spots).


1. Effin Bananas (340 points, 68 ppp, 80% of team intact, 0)
Though only third in points per player still the strong favorite to win.  After a nice boost from Sarah Rice this team will go as far as the Johnny Cara Maria handcuff can carry it.

2. Pup 'N Suds (335 points, 67 ppp, 80% of team intact, +1)
So far Jasmine and Vinny have carried the load for this team.  Mark Long and Paula are veterans who are comfortable coming on strong later so look for them to begin picking up the slack.

3. Mark Long and Leroy's Shlong (340 points, 85 ppp, 50% of team intact, +4)
Rounding out the top 3 due to a monster week 2 (275 points!!!!) this team has no chance to win but does have a nice cushion on some of the lower ranked teams and with Mark Long still left they probably won't drop too far.

4. Casual Molestation (325, 65 ppp, 40% of team intact, 0)
The only team to lose over half of its competitors so far, oddly enough I think they still have a chance to podium as the two guys left are CT and Abram who are both crazy and great competitors, plus neither of them has really scored yet.

5. Mark Long's Left Pec (295 points, 73.75 ppp, 50% of team intact, +10)
It is gonna be tough for this team to podium, but Camilla has been the leading scorer for half the weeks so you can never count them out, they'll greatly miss leading scorer Sarah Rice.

6. Swamp Donkeys (295 points, 59 ppp, 60% of team intact, +4)
Tough loss of Vinny Foti and first round pick Wes Bermann.  Fortunately the Swamp Donkeys do have a mild cushion on the rest of the league, if Cara Maria gives us them the performance we know she's capable of a top 10 finish is possible.

Second Tier teams after the jump.

Episode 2 Review [UPDATED]

Leroy Announces there's a new Elimination Bad-Ass

Episode 2 of Battle of the Exes was pretty much non-stop action.  When Jasmine hit Tyrie I thought to myself that's the moment of the episode right there, then Mark and Robin took a real nasty tumble off the platform maybe the worst fall on the Challenge since Katie's face-plant on Cutthroat I thought well that was pretty funny could be that.  However the producer's at Bunim-Murray knew different and glossed right over it aside from Robin's "my head hurts" comment.  That gave us time to maximize all things Vinny.  Vinny to be frank killed it both with his sexual assault of Mandi and refusal to back down from his actions to Wes.  Finally I thought Leroy might steal the moment with his complete Evisceration of Wes in THE DOME.  We probably won't see another episode this good again for awhile, however normal noted crazies like Abram, Cara Maria, CT, TY, Dunbar, Paula, Tyrie and Jasmine have been relatively quite so far so literally anything is in play.

With that lets get into the individual episode recaps

Emily Shromm (0) and Ty Ruff (0):
Quite episode for the pair with nary a confession between them.  They looked no worse than anyone else on the Challenge making it to two platforms so look for them to either compete well or begin to splinter in the next few episodes.

Aneesa Ferreira (0) and Rachel Robinson (0):
Quite episode as well for the only all female partnership.  They at least each recorded one confessional.  Also going for them is that Aneesa danced all over Leroy in a way Naomi won't soon forget.  Look for Naomi to get in Aneesa's face about that and verbal arguments to ensue.

Abram Boise (0) and Cara Maria (0):
Yet another couple we didn't hear a lot out of.  The highlight of course being Abram offering to coitus Cara Maria to cure her nerves.  I expect their screen time to drastically increase with the exit of Vinny and Wes.

Dustin Zito (0) and Heather Marter (0):
This group got a decent amount of screen time with almost no action as they were more the topic of discussion as in are they going in THE DOME.  Having to go first was no easy feat but they managed decently well making it through 2 platforms faster than anyone, Zito even suggested on twitter they deserved to go to the Power Couple round.  Now that Wes is gone expect them to go into almost every DOME unless Tyrie and Jasmine become intolerable.

Mark Long (0) and Robin Hibbard (0):
The old man is once again biding his time staying above it all before he makes his move.  Perhaps the biggest development from the episode going forward is that Mark Long has seemingly taken over Patriarchal duties of the house as he counselled Vinny on Sexual Assault the next morning.  This is huge news as last episode the Godfather expressed concern that he didn't really have any friends on the Challenge.  Also the took a friggen nasty fall.

Scorers after the jump.

Episode 2 Emergency Review: Vinny Foti

The Challenge's Newest Boston Baddy

A few thoughts on what was easily the best episode since Johnny Backpacks on Cutthroat and maybe ever:

• Who knew that Vinny Foti could be so entertaining? This was a guy who's previous highlights included coitusing Sarah and going home second on Fresh Meat II and getting sent in before Luke to the Gulag because he was too stupid to keep around.  Let's break down his episode further
• Vinny opens up the episode with a story revealing that for all intents and purposes he is the worlds best fed homeless person as his girlfriend kicked him out of the apartment.  His solution: go home with a new girl every night, a normal persons: get a new apartment.
• Vinny then wins his first Challenge ever.  Even after his strong performance last week I'll admit I never thought Vinny Foti would win an immunity challenge especially not with his new Big Easy Look. - 15 points for winning an immunity challenge.
• Vinny then goes out to the club to celebrate his win with Sarah and see if she'll sleep with him for winning her a challenge.  Apparently finds out that she won't decides to take his shirt off to let the ladies know what he's working with (sidebar: next year there will be points for every time Vinny takes his shirt off provided he still has that amazing gut) and decides that Mandi should join him in shirtlessness.  Surprisingly small immediate reaction from fellow castmates but when they get home is another story entirely. - 25 points for sexual assault
• Vinny then returns home where he is confronted by a unusually level headed but lovestruck Wes Bergmann who cites the shows rules as the only reason for not beating Vinny up.  Vinny does not want to hear any of this and a verbal argument ensues. - 5 points for verbally arguing
• TJ Lavin arrives to inform the cast that MTV does not tolerate sexual assault of any kind and that Vinny has to leave.  Vinny shows that for all of the strides he's made as a valuable cast-member he still doesn't quite get it as he misses an opportunity to make a production staffer come remove him or assault TJ and instead leaves relatively quietly to pack his things. - 100 points for being kicked off outside of gameplay
• Before he leaves Vinny gets one more verbal argument in with Sarah showing that he truly has no conscience and will be back.

To wrap things up I really gained a lot of respect for Vinny this episode he had a few lines that were kinda funny and found a way to ensure he got invited back, which seemed like a stretch as to date he'd been an also ran, much like Julie Stouffer who became a must get for the producers when she attempted to kill Veronica Portillo on Inferno I.  Here's to Vinny finding a way to top himself next season by picking up self tattooing and transforming himself into bizarre fat Abram.

Week 2 Preliminary Scores

Vinny Foti 150 points
Sexual Assault 25 points
verbal argument 5 points * 2
Being kicked off show 100 points
Winning Immunity challenge 15 points


Sarah Rice 135 points
Female crying 10 points
being kicked off show 100 points
Winning immunity challenge 15 points
5 confessionals 5 points
verbal argument 5 points


Tyrie Ballard 60 points
Intentional Nudity 20 points
Verbal Fighting 5 points
physical fighting 25 points
Business Associates comment 10 points


Jasmine Reynaud 30 points
Verbal Fighting 5 points
Physical Fighting 25 points


Leroy Garrett 15 points
Winning Elimination Challenge 10 points
5 confessionals 5 points

Naomi Defensor 15 points
Winning Elimination Challenge 10 points
5 confessionals 5 points


Wes 15 points
Verbal Fighting 5 points
10 confessionals 10 points


Johnny Bananas 10 points
plugging career 10 points

Paula Meronek 10 points
receiving a text from TJ 10 points

Mandi Moyer 10 points
Unintentional Nudity 5 points
5 confessionals 5 points

CT 5 points
Verbal Fighting 5 points

Diem 5 points
Verbal Fighting 5 points

Week 1. Scoring Leaders

Our dynamic cast so young and full of promise

A few quick thoughts before we jump to the results:

1. We needed an extended episode badly.  From the producers cut of the first 15 minutes we saw Johnny make fun of Dustins past career.  Also we saw virtually nothing of the first night where Nate apparently passed out by the pool. Who Doesn't want to see that?
2. Also of note it appeared on the first night 1 of the females had some unintentional pool nudity.  Unfortunately no way to know if that happened or not.
3. Dunbar owns a wolf head mask.  This in and of itself is not that weird I for instance own an Optimus Prime mask that makes your voice sound like his. However Dunbar is a crazy person.  Put a microphone in his face and ask him about it, you'll probably get an answer referring to a study that females are attracted to a wolf spirit.
4. Mandi Moyer's boyfriend has ruined her.  Last time we saw Mandi she was yelling at Laurel to enjoy her sloppy seconds after CT dumped her and hooking up with Wes.  This time shes calmly making observations about her fellow castmates.  I think she might even be the third most mature cast member after Leroy and Mark Long

Overall I agree with Leroy's take relatively tame episode but I think this looks to be one of the better seasons.

Pre Season Power Rankings

16. Gay High School Juniors: Wes, Aneesa, Diem, Tyrie, Heather
This team will not win anything besides style points for Aneesa

15. Mark Long's Left Pec: Wes, Camilla, Sarah, Rachel
Why the'll win it all: Wes returns to his roots as an elimination round stud. Camilla sits atop the power couple throughout the competition. Sarah sticks around long enough to cause some trouble and Rachel reminds everyone she's the best female player ever.
Why they won't: Does any of that besides Camilla sound very likely to you?

14. Dustin: Pay for Gay: Diem, Abram, Emily, Dustin
Why they'll win it all: Diem finally wins a challenge in the feelgood story of 2012 coming all the way back from ovarian cancer. Abram goes on the rampage we all know he is capable of but have never seen. Emily and Dustin pleasantly surprise.
Why they won't: Diem is relying big time on CT to not go insane and get her kicked off, same with Emily and Ty. Dustin probably won't be here long and Abram is a loose cannon.

13. Team Maxfield: Ty, Paula, Leroy, Aneesa, Heather
Why they'll win it all: Ty careers and finally embraces his destiny as the black CT. Paulas newfound confidence from winning a challenge enables her to work with Dunbar. Leroy and Aneesa are their usual solid selfs and Heather manages to stick around for a few weeks.
Why they won't: This team is all role players and no stars. Meaning when the clock is ticking down and you need someone to have an STD scare who do you turn to?

12. Just a Business Relationship: Jasmine, Dunbar, Naomi, Diem, Priscilla
Why they'll win it all: Every single one of these players has a little crazy in them: Jasmine; multiple personalities, Dunbar; sexual deviancy, Naomi; stage 5 clinger, Diem; long term association with CT, Priscilla; 19 yrs old
Why they won't: Crazy doesn't have the best history in winning challenges.

11. Tonya's Titties: Dunbar, Cara Maria, Aneesa, Tyrie
Why they'll win it all: Dunbar is a real threat to rape over half the cast, which for sure will leave Cara Maria in tears in a scene reminiscent of 300 "your not going to like this". Tyrie might actually be in good enough shape to play for the University of Nebraska for the first time in his life.
Why they won't: Dunbar and Paula hate each other too much to succeed. Cara Maria and Abe seem destined to explode. Aneesa has to compete with the boys. And Tyrie despite being 100 pounds less of Tyrie is still Tyrie.

Top 10 after the jump:

Battle of the Sexes League Grades

25. Heather Marter - Team Maxfield

Without a doubt she has the lowest Challenge Potential from her cast, however she’s knowingly dating a guy who did gay porn so she’s probably got some crazypoints in her. Grade B-

24. Priscilla Mendez - Team Just a Business Relationship

I watched RW San Diego like every episode like every episode this is all I know about Priscilla: she’s very proud of her fake boobs and isn’t afraid to show them, her mom is only 37! (younger than Mark Long) and she doesn't seem very athletic. Grade C-

23. Tyrie Ballard - Team Ageless Wonders

Look I don’t care how many times he says it Tyrie clearly didn’t play football at Nebraska a simple google search reveals that.  Nevertheless he’s clearly a big body with a fair amount of potential who had a pretty good showing last season against Wes and Kenny.  Pairing him with noted competitor/crazy person Jasmine combined with weight loss seems to be a decent recipe for success. Grade B

22. Vinny Foti - Team Czerniak

Vinny is one of the physically strongest contestants due to his steroid use, unfortunately for his owners he is also one of the dumbest and I think he might just be dumber then previously thought. Look we knew from Day 1 on Fresh Meat II when he could not solve one of the easiest puzzles known to man that he wasn't exactly smart, but ever since he lost to Big Eazy on Cutthroat hes been gone from the public eye. I often times found myself wondering what he has been doing, now we know thanks to the pre Series interview that he’s homeless and oh yeah he has transformed himself into Big Easy’s image in an apparent attempt to confront his weakness which once again leads me to question his sanity.  Grade B

21. Sarah Rice. - Team Casual Molestation

Puzzle/Tattoo master Sarah just competes trailers have revealed that Vinny has decided to imitate Kennys attempts at making Sarah cry which should yield points and perhaps yank out the true competitive performance we all know she has in her. Grade A

20. Nate the Nuclear Engineer - Team Casual Molestation

Nate is a party animal he is also a Nuclear Engineer there are also reports he was working at Fukushima Daiishi in Japan 2011. Even though his stay may be short look for him to get reallllly drunk and make a regrettable decision. Grade B

19. Dustin Zito - Team Czerniak

Dustin Zito is definitely a gamble of sorts with proven commodity Sarah Rice and coitus master Tyrie Ballard on the board. However niether of them have ever done porn so its not a crazy reach. Plus he is the unofficial record holder of most hours of confessionals filmed during his 6 months on RW Las Vegas with 3 years. Grade B +

18. Rachel Robinson - Team Ageless Wonders

Rachel is the only girl that will stand any chance against Emily in the Dome, unfortunately for her she will actually be going against Ty Ruff in that scenario. Fortunately the way the Challenges have been the last few partner seasons her and Aneesa should be able to avoid being the worst couple and if they play their Social game right there are a few couples that the Power Couple would prefer to send in before them. Grade B-

17. Diem Brown - Team Branton

One of the few Challengers that claims to own a "succesful" business along with Wes Diem is back to raise more awareness about Cancer and how it sucks. She's partnered with CT again which has been good and bad for her Challenge wise in the past but has always left her in tears of both happiness and fear/sadness. Grade B

16. Aneesa Ferreira - Team Maxfield

I've often wondered why no one has seen it fit to name Aneesa the great melting pot as she certainly is a microcosm of America what with her mixed heritage, will to win and different looks shes undergone in an attempt to understand herself regardless shes back and happy to be here look for her to have a stronger performance then last time on Rivals. Grade B+

Top 15 after the break:

Gauntlet Draft Grades

25. Nate the Nuclear Engineer - Team Gower

Lets be real Nate and Priscilla are gonna be the first couple going home. That doesn't mean Nate isn't going to score more points then people that leave after him he has the highest potential for intoxication points of any Challenger since Adam Royer and is quite possible in the top 5 of that category of all time. Grade B+

24. Heather Marter - Team Gustafson

Probably the most boring RW castmate of her season Heather is going to need to step her game up if she hopes to become a Challenge regular. Fortunately I do think she has it in her she's one person making fun of her for Dustin's porn career away from a verbal argument, crying and calling her Mom. Grade B

23. Vinny Foti - Team Burden

As previously mentioned Vinny added a small child to part of his diet since we last saw him resulting in a nice pare shaped body. Due to his lack of intelligence this may be part of his strategy as he was eliminated by the much larger and doughier Big Easy. Grade B

22. Dustin Zito - Team Effin Bananas

Dustin will get at least 5 points each week hes there for confessionals. He will get made fun of for his (potential sexual orientation) and he may cry. If he gets drunk enough he might even fight. He's gonna hook up with Heather to prove his straightness and when doing all that he just might play a better Social/Physical game then you expect. Grade B-

21. Mandi Moyer - Team Cleaver
Mandi has always had two things going for her on the Challenges a willingness to try anything (see her licking a blood spot on the floor of the tent on the Fresh Meat II Combine) and willingness to hook up with just about all of her male castmates: Luke, Chet, CT, Wes (shes only been on 3 Challenges) unfortunately she has a serious boyfriend at home. Fortunately she got breast implants after Cutthroat so she should be ready to rock. Grade B+

20. Rachel Robinson - Team Cleaver

One of the strongest (her twitter is @Rachel_Fitness) female competitors in Challenge history she actually finished before all of the male's on The Duel II. Rachel will have to repeat her performance of beating men as she will for all intents and purposes be competing directly with them. Look for her to try and hook-up/coitus Emily Shromm as she promised in her preview video and give a better showing then you might expect against the males. Grade B+

19. Sarah Rice - Team Effin Bananas

The great tattoed one, Sarah always brings a sense of fun to the challenges as she's known around the house for having lots of games to pass the time. She also balances that with a fierce competitive side. Unfortunately for her she has only failed to podium when paired with a single partner. Whats double unfortunate is she is once again partnered with Vinny Foti who she paired with on her worst finish to date on Battle of the Sexes II whos singlehandedly kept the price of bacon grease steady by eating every last bit Tyrie said no to since we last saw him on Cutthroat. Grade B   

18. Paula "Walnuts" Meronek - Team Burden

The only bad part of Rivals was watching Paula get her first win. She was much more interesting as a truly pathetic character that didn't get that she wasn't really in any alliances and was not especially good at any challenge. Also we will no longer get to hear her say that she just cares about the win not the money whatever the hell that means. Fortunately I doubt winning solved any of her insecurity crisises so expect a self loathing filled coitus and multiple crying sessions. Grade A

17. Tyrie Ballard - Team Gustafson

To date Tyrie's best showing in a Challenge was probably the island where he lected to return home early due to an illness in the family? Coincidentally due to starvation that was probably the lightest Tyrie has been on a challenge which is why many are picking the big man to go far for the first time ever as he looks to have cut bacon grease out of his diet and may even be showering regularly. Grade B

16. Naomi Defensor - Team Gower

Classic stage 5 clinger, Naomi caught feelings for Leroy on RW Las Vegas. If they aren't reciprocated on Exes (they won't be) expect Naomi to do something crazy. This could damage their Social game when Johnny and CT decide they are tired of hearing her yelling, but should result in massive points before then regardless. Grade B+

Top 15 After the Break:

Inferno Draft Grades

24. Heather Marter - Team Henne

Not likely to bring much to the table as one of the weaker RW minor leaguers in recent history.  Hopefully her partnership with Dustin as the only pair currently dating will lead to some coitus points. Grade C-

23. Rachel Robinson - Team Matt

One of the strongest female competitors in the history of the Challenge Rachel actually beat all of the boys to the finish on the Duel II.  It will be interesting to see if she can replicate that feat as she is half of the only all female team.  Grade B

22. Dustin Zito - Team Schilling

Former porn star Dustin became known on RW Las Vegas for two things fighting with Mike Mike and loooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg confessionals.  I like his chances of playing a strong Social game and sticking around longer than expected.  Grade B+

21. Paula Walnuts - Team Staed

Though hated by most fans for being an insecure wacko who lashes out at others for no reason just to feel better about her pathetic existence as Laurel Stuckey pointed out last Season on Rivals.  Paula is indisputadely the best value of this draft as if nothing else she can be counted on for consistent crying points and is even a threat to repeat as champion. Grade A+++

Top 20 after the jump.

Leagues

Unfortunately instead of taking a giant leap forward in the way fantasy is played and implementing a salary cap we will instead be splitting into leagues.  I suppose thats what I get for believing in America's Great Democratic tradition.  As such We will be splitting up into three different Leagues.

Breakdown after the Break.

2012 Battle of the Exes Rules

These rules were borrowed and slightly changed from the Grantland Fantasy League.  Hope everyone enjoys them.  Rules after the break